Tuesday, 19 February 2013

One Night Stands

We've all done them! and if you haven't you will. People seem to think that due to our new secular society and modern generation one night stands have become a usual part of life that was never there before. But i think that's wrong, one night stands have been happening all over history. The amount of 'Bastard' children that came up in history shows that, and if any of you ever watched The Tudors, Henry V111...Serial one night stander. Its just today its more talked about and joked about and less women are called whores because it...Although i guess that still does happens, but these things take time, at least some men are called whores as well now thats a plus right?

So today im just going to give you a few bits of advice on one night stands to help make your one nighter the best it can be. This doesn't mean in anyway that ive had a billion one nights stand by the way... just putting that out there.

First of all don't ever attempt a one night stand with a friend for obvious reasons, such as you will actually have to see them again. The key to the perfect one night stand is plan to never see them again so to avoid awkwardness and the you've seen me naked thoughts.

Always try to bring your new friend back to your place, there are many pluses to this, such as being at your place meaning you have all your things you may need before bed, being able to have a shower in the morning and hope they leave during to avoid awkward goodbyes and the most important, not having to leave early in the morning wearing last nights clothes for the long walk home known to all as...The Walk Of Shame. However if you do end up going to the other persons place because you clearly didn't follow my advice then when starting your long cold journey home, first of all think about how you didn't listen to me! and second ALWAYS refer to the walk as the Stride Of Pride! Never feel shameful of a one night stand. Unless they were gross...then you're back to a Walk of Shame.

Now because this is probably the first time you're meeting this person it may be better to hold back on any freeeakkkyy stuff.You know what i'm talking about. Unless they have shown some interest don't show them all the weird because chances are they will know someone who knows someone who has a friend who has a sister who knows someone that knows you! and you may not want that circling.

This is an obvious one but i thought it was funny, try not to have a american pie moment.

We all know a few minute men out there and it is not a name you want to pick up!

The subject of cuddling is more of a play it by ear thing. If you dont want to cuddle then don't easy as, if you do maybe start of with an arm then lead to the full on spoon. Chances are you will wake up back to back in the morning anyway.

 How to get them to leave and how to leave?
 The easiest option would be to say you have work, uni, college or whatever in the morning so you have to go. If they're at yours they will get the hint and if you are at theirs they will probably be at the door saying goodbye already.

Now if in some crazy world you possibly want to see this person again but you're not sure how they feel always judge it on how you say goodbye. I believe the rules are a wave means pretty much goodbye forever, if you get this then go buy yourself some hangover food to drown your sorrows. A hug tends to mean if i see you again it won't be too awkward but im not sure if i want to 'see' you again.This one can be worked on may just have to do a bit of text flirting, that is if you got their number? and a kiss tends to mean i had a good time and if you want a booty call im here. Obviously they're thinking its a one night stand so you will still have to work on it but you have the advantage of that at least.

So thats my advice, hope it helps you on your many endeavours and for this post i suppose Happy Humping.

Hope you enjoyed reading.


Tuesday, 12 February 2013

The Iphone Generation

Hi all,

Have you seen that new breed of humans around? They walk around always looking down unable to lift there heads, if you try and talk to them the most they can answer with is a grunt or moan, they rarely blink and they have a mutated hand with an extra ligament to it.

The official term used for these creatures is.... IPHONE USERS!

So i have recently purchased myself an iphone 5, Have to say it was quite an impulse buy, i went into the shop just to have a look at phones and an hour later walked with an iphone, new contract and some cash which was nice. A lot of my friends already had iphones and i had wanted one for a while so i could join in with playing on all the new apps and such.

But since my friends have got iphones i have noticed how much they are on them. There have been actual moments when i have been talking to my friend and said "so i was talking to this guy and he wasn't listening so i smashed him over the head and killed him " of course my friends reaction to this statement was "mmm cool".
 Classic iphone users talk!

Now i will admit since i have got my new phone i have been on it a lot but i am chucking that down to the fact that its a new phone and all new and exciting! Not because im becoming one of them! But then again i guess the reason you get smart phones is so you can use all the apps and twitter on the go right? and i understand why people are on them a lot but i think there should be some moderation otherwise you won't be far off from those attractive people in the picture above.

So even though my aim is to not become on of those iphone addicts im still going to share a few pictures of my phone because its new and exciting for me, so i want to show it off.

Now if you'll excuse me i have to instagram a picture, tweet and retweet it and then send it to my facebook. 

I swear i won't become one...promise. 

Hope you enjoyed reading.


Sunday, 10 February 2013

Eye Fucking

Hi all,

So i'm aware the title of this post might look slightly odd but hopefully by the end of it you will understand and possibly be quoting me on it. Now the term 'Eye Fucking' is something i've heard used a few times and have noticed a number of times. If you've ever heard the song by Will i am and Britney Spears 'scream and shout' the line 'Everybody in the club, all eyes on us' will take on an entire different meaning.

I'm not going to lie, im using that song as inspiration for this post.
So to help you understand the exact meaning of this term i am going to paint the scene for you...

You are on a night out, you're wearing an outfit you feel makes you look particularly attractive and you've just entered a club. You get your drinks in and once you are feeling merry enough you go up on the dance floor. You start getting your jam on and have a quick look around and then you see it... The eyes staring right at you, locked on. That's when you know... you are being eye fucked! Now in these situations i have found there is only two options. 1. If you think the person that is currently imagining you naked is acceptable for a possible 'liaison' then stare back, lock onto those eyes and hold it, this is known as official eye fucking! Obviously don't stare at them non stop because that would be a bit weird and creepy but keep looking back there every few minutes. By responding to the eye fucking you are opening up to the possibility of actual fucking. 2. If the idea of them picturing you naked makes you want to cover up then avoid eye contact at all costs! Try your best not to look at them again. This is the official silent rejection and hopefully they will know these rules and not approach you anyway and if they do then hopefully you've already come up with your own methods of rejection. 

In case you are still having trouble understanding perhaps the urban dictionary can help. Its definition of 'eye fucking' is when you catch someone's eyes or lock with them for a split second that is really hot as hell, and then you picture yourself having wild sex with them or to stare at someone insinuating you want sex.

Eye fucking i have found can take place in any social occasion but if you want to see it in action then go into a club, i promise you, Any club, anywhere its happening!

Hope you enjoyed reading.


Saturday, 2 February 2013

Pitch Perfect

Hi all,

So basically today i am just going to big up the film Pitch Perfect which i saw a couple of nights ago. All in all it is my new favourite film. I would have to say its a mix of glee, the hangover, Bridesmaids and the breakfast club. Now i haven't actually seen the breakfast club but this movie references it a lot so that is now on my must watch list!

One big reason i like this film would have to be that it has Rebel Wilson in it! I am a big fan of hers and she really makes this movie! You will probably recognise her most from the film bridesmaids where she is the main actresses room mates sister with that way to close a bond!

Image from Bridesmaids movie

I did a bit of research on Rebel Wilson and found she has a lot of new movies coming out soon so i will be in the queue for those for sure. One that looks particularly good is Bacherlorette which im sure i will give you a review of once its out!

Now for those of you that are put off by films with singing in them i would say to give this one a chance. Yes there is singing and i would say with most musical films the singing is pretty much the reason they get a good review because without it people might actually notice the lack of storyline and character development, but Pitch Perfect i would say the singing is my least favourite part(not to say its still not good). The reason i liked it so much was because of the humour and projectile vomiting, and you know if there is projectile vomiting in a movie its going to be good.

So if your looking for something to watch on a quiet night in get this! and just so you know how much i liked it, i've been a bit under the weather the last few days and ended up watching this two nights in a row to make me feel better and im tempted to watch it again tonight! its that good.

 Hope you enjoyed reading,