Friday, 19 April 2013

The Poor and Penniless

Hi all,

As i am sure just like me, many other students have started to notice their wallets and purses getting ever so light in the last few weeks, their bank balance hitting that special number that all student know as end of the line and banks know as overdraft limit. This is because it is the end of the term, meaning student loans go in soon! Which you would think would be a godsend and it is, but it also means as i have found out that the weeks reaching up to this fantastic date are difficult to say the least.

Suddenly everything seems so expensive, the pub prices are more extortionate than normal and the fags are just not hitting the right spot, mainly because you asked the person at the counter for the cheapest ones they had and came out with a brand almost unpronounceable.

So i am going to give you a few tips to help you keep busy even though you have no money. First i suggest if possible a return to the parents house, That way you don't have to pay for food or heating which are the main spend for students next to alcohol and fags.

 Second ask your parents for money to buy alcohol and fags. Depending on the type of parents you have perhaps blur out the specifics of what you need money for. A good tactic if your parents won't go along with the answer of 'stuff' is to cause a distraction, ask them for the money and while giving an answer knock something over or quickly change subject to something more exciting, then after revert back to the money and a lot of parents will have thought you gave a good enough reason already. Or the third option lie and say its for something important like pens because everyone needs pens.

Once you have spent your free money and are hungover, bored and broke then comes the next few ideas. Perhaps get some equally poor friends together and... wait for it....... play monopoly!!! I bet a few of you went 'urgh' in your heads just then. But don't knock it! i love a bit of board game fun and i am not a monopoly snob cluedo and other ones are allowed to! But you're in for a funny time playing with your friends and maybe you can create some sort of strip version and make it an over 18's kind of game. But either way board games win and are free and its not like you're are doing much else.

My next idea... movies, i would say movie nights but don't limit yourself to just nights, chances are if you're broke and bored then im guessing you have quite a bit of free time, movie days my friends are the way forward! Maybe whack on the twilight saga and see who dies of boredom first! Although that one is normally quite a short game! But yes dear readers remember films are your friends!

I also researched things to do with no money so will tell you some of my favourites, start a blog... don't do this one, people hate people who write blogs,  Practice origami because that is a skill that will get you through life and making shapes is, well my favourite thing to do next to starting a compost bin which was also on this list, seduce you partner... much more my sort of thing, Take a nap which i do when i have money so that's obvious, Turn on the water sprinkler which is riveting,  hold a baby hopefully with permission from the parents and my favourite one... write your will because after doing the shit things this website suggested there clearly isn't much left to do in life.

My final point which should of been my first point thinking about it now, is to read my blog!!!!! because i like getting the page views and you know you're in for a good time with these!! I mean who doesn't appreciate being told how to spend their time after all....

Anyway hope you enjoyed reading.


Monday, 1 April 2013

Pulling Gone Wrong

Hi all,

Sorry it has been a little while, for any uni students out there you will know the pains of the end of term. It basically means hand in all your deadlines on one day. So i have been somewhat preoccupied. But don't fret i have officially handed in all coursework so now have all of Easter to find things to do other than revision!

So today im going to discuss the topic of pulling gone wrong! There are a lot of situations when you're on a night out, you've had a few drinks, that person is looking at you from across the room (refer back to previous post on eye fucking), after at least three more shots, one of you makes the first move, you're in a club and the general gist of your conversation involves 'WHAT!??' and 'I CANT HEAR YOU!', so the pleasantries are done with, you make out, people take pictures i mean we know how this bit goes.... But sometimes things don't always go so smoothly. So here are a few situations that can come up and my advice to you if they do.

Situation 1. So you're dancing with your new friend, they're are probably about a 6 or 7 but beer goggles on makes them an 8 or a 9. You start dancing and kissing, everything is normal.... But then you get a tap on your shoulder or an abrupt stopping to the most likely poor kissing skills of your new friend, to see depending on your preference a boy or girl standing in front of you looking like they're about to murder someone. Probably something like this.

Minus the hot tub....maybe.  Now is the point my friends to get out of the firing line because that bitch is either killing you or your new friend.  Yes this pull has another half!
 Now these situations are awkward to say the least! so even if you thought this new acquittance was really hot, perhaps you had something in common or you even saw something more coming of it. Well forget all of that because they're a cheater and what's worse they are a stupid cheater, i mean who is dumb enough to cheat with your other half there! I suggest you look as shocked as this betrayed stranger does, make a big fuss that you had no idea(even if you did) and walk away as fast as you can! i suggest turning around after about 10 seconds of walking away if you want to see this
However if you're are skilled enough there is always the chance to turn this situation around and make it into one of these
But i will leave that down to you to make that happen, but i would suggest a lot of alcohol!

Situation 2. Once again you are pulling someone but this time things go smoothly you get a few drinks together and then head back to your place(refer to previous post on one night stands) everything is going well and they ask to use your bathroom, while away you do the checks, just to make sure you look as hot as you think you do still, but then you notice its been 20 minutes and you're still by your lonesome, so of course go to see if they have got lost and find a image looking something like this.

Now as attractive as this is, its probably best that you don't continue what you originally had planned as that could get you into a lot of trouble. Instead the question is how to get rid of them? because to be honest no one wants to look after a drunk, especially one you barely know. 

To be honest it all depends on what the person is like. Some drunks will be perfectly fine after throwing up, they will get back up and be normal, on this occasion just don't give them a choice, my favourite line is 'i just called a taxi for you so you better wait outside for it' even if you haven't it doesn't matter! it gets them out of the house and then you can call a taxi, Simples! But sadly many people aren't so easy. If you have a more unstable drunk then if you can get their phone perhaps try contacting one of their friends and get them to pick the drunkard up! If that doesn't work well then close the door, go to bed and pray they're are gone by the morning! And maybe leave them some water because there is no need to make things worse! and hopefully when the sun comes up the only thing that won't go away is a hangover! 

These are just a few situations that i could think of, but i am sure there are plenty more! If you can think of any put it in the comments below. 

Hope you enjoyed reading.